Happy International Women’s Day!

[For the avoidance of any shred of doubt about where I stand on a question that keeps slithering across my social media timelines these days, trans women are women. Also, in answer to a common question, yes, there is an International Men’s Day. It’s on 19 November. Thank you. We now return you to your scheduled programme.]

Do you spend time in women-centred spaces?

I’m not talking here about women-only spaces, which are generally set up as a means to provide safety from patriarchal violence. Rather, I’m talking about cultural spaces, both physical and virtual, where people of all genders and none may be present, but women’s lives, concerns, and experiences are assumed to be the norm.

I’ve never been much of a woman, to be honest. Growing up, I was often more comfortable in male company, and I generally don’t feel I fit in very well with mainstream femininity.

(I need to state, on this day of all days, that no hierarchy of value is implied here: I’m simply describing my experience.)

So when I joined the Irish Patchwork Society, several years ago, it was by far the most feminine community I’d ever participated in.

From the start, it really struck me how women’s experience was being centred and celebrated at our meetings.

Well, obviously

Sure.

And yet, at the same time, not obviously.

I’ve been a member of a diverse range of communities over the years, and although my personal privilege-matrix means that I’ve (almost) never felt at a disadvantage because of my gender, that’s not what I’m talking about here.

Every mixed-sex community I’d been part of before had reflected the social assumption that the lived experience of a man (more specifically, let’s be honest, a white, cis, straight, ablebodied, neurotypical, financially stable man) is the norm from which anything else deviates.

When I joined the IPS it was both strange and refreshing to realise that here was a place where women’s lives, concerns, and experiences were being centred – casually, without apology, and without particular reference to men.

What do I mean by this?

I’m not even talking about the fact that nearly everyone in the room at these meetings presents as female, or that patchwork and quilting – like all textile crafts – are strongly coded as feminine activities in our culture.

I’m talking about something as simple as a shared understanding of the burden of housework – which, like it or not, is still a majorly gendered experience.

I notice the warm thanks given each month to the volunteers who make the tea, the way we’re encouraged to bring along our own mugs and not expect anyone to wash up after us. I notice the way people talk about tasks like laundry and ironing and how they relate to the beautiful textile pieces the branch members have made. I notice the gentle acceptance of the fact that for practically all of us, domestic responsibilities come first.

These are tiny details about the way the meetings are run, but they make a profound difference to my experience.

Not that I wish to suggest that the Irish Patchwork Society is some kind of feminist utopia.

It’s not perfect

Not at all. There’s plenty of the usual patriarchal shite in evidence there, too, from body-shame talk to gender-essentialist husband-bashing to normative remarks about parenting choices. I do wonder, as well, how comfortable a space it would be for a person more visibly queer than I am.

Overall, though, it’s an environment unique in my life because it is woman-centred, and I love it for that.

If you don’t habitually spend time in women-centred spaces, on this International Women’s Day I am suggesting you give it a try – no matter what your own current gender may be.